Last night I had a dream. The premise of this dream was that Katie and I were engaged in some sort of "Cooking" Contest. Now, at first glance, a cooking contest between us would seem to be a little one-sided. After all, there's no way here gruel would hold up against my peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. But what you have to remember is that this was a dream world, and the rules don't always make sense.
The first part of the contest (and now you'll see why I put "cooking" in quotes) required Katie and I to run around the forest collecting vegetation to be eaten. Katie was pretty good at this, picking out assorted leaves, and fruits, and roots--all those things a person might actually eat. I was in trouble, so in my desperation, I just started pulling small trees out of the ground to add to my pile. When time ran out, it was revealed by the anonymous judge that I was the winner, because we were being judged entirely on weight, and not by substance. It was also deemed that as Katie and I were both classified as "large mammals" so therefore we should be eating "large vegetation." Katie's collection was said to be more fit for a bird.
The second part of the competition started with a different premise. There was a very cranky little girl who really wanted chicken parmigiana, and we were just about to make it for her, we realized we didn't have any chicken. This contest was to salvage the meal as best as possible. Katie quickly got to work making whatever weird healthy delicious thing she would. I suddenly remembered that I had some sausage in my refrigerator (as I really do have some sausage in my refrigerator). I was going to make that little girl some sausage parmigiana, and she would be the happiest girl in the world. Unfortunately, when I opened the refrigerator, I noticed Katie had set something heavy down on top of the sausage, puncturing the package and resulting in the meat going bad. Now I had no shot. I was very unhappy with her. Far more unhappy than the real Dan ever gets at the real Katie.
I think I woke up before this part of the contest ended, but things weren't going well for me. That sausage was my only hope.
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